In the weeks and months after Joel's death, the stories came without being asked for — from coaches, teachers going back to kindergarten, classmates, neighbors. These are their words.
Of everything written about Joel, this letter tells us the most.
It came from Roberto, his friend and teammate, in the weeks after Joel died — written by a teenager, to a family he barely knew, about things he had no reason to tell anyone. It is the closest thing we have to seeing Joel through the eyes of someone his own age.
Dear Byrnes,
I'm not sure how to start this. Trying to write this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. From the depths of my heart, I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the level of pain you must be feeling right now. I wish you could see how saintly a person he was at school. There was no individual like him. With every goofy little thing he did, there was a warm, passionate heart behind it.
Joel strived for things the majority of teenagers wouldn't even consider, myself included. Joel was always the first one on the field. Joel was always the last one off. Often, he'd sprint there just to realize he forgot his helmet and sprint back to the locker room. Yet somehow he would still always make it before everyone else. He always spent his time before practices on every little detail he felt needed work. Whether it be punting, place kicking, tackling, or route running, it didn't matter. I can without a doubt say that Joel was the most hardworking.
Not only that, but Joel is the only person I knew who sought to help out others. He wouldn't just take any opportunity to help around the field — he would look for more as well. Within practice and outside. Every other day, after 8th period, I would meet him at his classroom and always, without fail, find him putting away all the leftover chairs. After putting away the chairs we would talk about our days, girls, sports, music — mostly girls. He did these things with no idea of self-benefit in mind, and that was visible. Every little act of pure selflessness Joel gave to this world was beautiful. It spoke to his character. From the first moment, I realized that Joel was something else.
The most beautiful moment I had ever shared with Joel was the afternoon before one of our games.
I had finished getting changed early and went to the locker room hallway to wait for our coach's arrival. There was only one person who had been waiting there before me. Joel was sat down, reading the Bible. In that moment of realization, my heart lifted in a weird kind of way.
I came and sat next to him. We sat in silence as he read. Once he had finally finished, we talked. I expressed to him how cool it was and he would brush it off as if it was nothing. He would hold no pride nor shame. Just a pure goal to become closer to Him. As a Christian myself, I took for granted how important this was. They would tell us consistently in the church of its importance, but it's rare to find a teenager who would strive to do such things. Following our short conversation, Joel would find a quiet space and meditate on what he had read. It was a weird feeling. It was inspiring in so many different ways I was unsure how to react. It made me smile. He was so casual about all of it. It wasn't uncommon for him. It was religious.
Joel meant so much to me as a friend. I know the stories are redundant, but I want to share as much as I can. Prior to football season, Joel and I had a meet-up in Clifton. Fall had been around the corner so we figured we would get into the game a little. We tossed around a football. We played some basketball, and it was clear that, to be fairly honest, I was a pretty poor athlete. This didn't change the way Joel thought of me. As the season came along, a lot of people would look down on me, but Joel had always been positive. His only criticism was to himself. When we would be celebrating his accomplishments on the field, he would always be talking about what he could have done better — and yet when I messed up he would congratulate me on what I had done right, out of genuine understanding, not pity.
Throughout the entire football season, he was the teammate I considered closest. The preseason lunches, selling fundraising cards in random neighborhoods, all the times we lifted together, the away game talks on the bus, all the times we sat beside each other and watched film. Oh, and another thing — he was the only individual I had seen review another team's game film before playing them. He would analyze every part of their offense that he could. The commitment was unreal. It blew me away. It showed in his performance as well. Joel was a beast on the field.
I'm sorry I got sidetracked. I really just wanted to say that there was a long period of time where I really doubted myself, and Joel was nothing but encouraging. It was extremely difficult not to love Joel, and that's something I believe everyone who knew him can confirm. He was the goofiest, most lovable, genuine friend in my life.
It hurts losing him. These last nights I've spent mourning till my eyes went dry. I had been lightheaded, I could feel my eyes throbbing, and my heart had sunk. I wish I was able to tell him how much he meant to me. I wish he knew how much he had done for me.
Going forward, I want to strive to be like Joel was. I want to over-accomplish. I want to be the first one on the field. I want to be the last one off. I want to push myself with God. I want to do everything I can to help people despite what others think. I wish I could find a way to describe every perfect thing that Joel was, and I'm willing to do anything I can to honor his life.
Joel left an imprint on every person he talked to. I envy heaven. Joel was an angel. It's as if God just wanted him home.
With love and with sorrow, sincerely,
One leadership characteristic I admire in Joel is his ability to show inclusiveness. He was one of the better players on his team and scored most of their points. There was one player who had never played basketball before and hadn't scored all season.
Instead of getting frustrated and taking all the shots himself, he tried passing to the player who had never scored. Even after he missed several times, my brother still kept passing to him. Finally, with a few minutes left, Joel passed the ball to him and he shot and scored. He was so excited for him and ran over, showering him with encouragement. The rest of the team followed him in the celebration.
Julia ByrneJoel's sisterFootball, basketball, track, soccer, baseball
As a football player, Joel was wiser and more talented than his years of experience would lead you to believe. His athleticism was second to none — however, it was Joel's character, selflessness, and determination that made him a better person.
It was at the end of every practice that he would come up to each coach, thank us, and then ask, "what can I do better?"
Coach ArenaRobinson football, on behalf of the coaching staffOne of the coaches described Joel as a "force of nature," and that's a very apt description. He was restless, vital, curious about the world and everything going on in it; passionate and determined; indomitable.
Robinson football staffFreshman teamI remember talking to Joel one day after practice about shooting the basketball more when he was open. He said, matter of fact, that he wanted to get his teammates involved — and if they missed, he could get the rebound. I've coached many kids who felt entitled to use the rest of the team as a support system to make them better. Joel was the consummate teammate.
He noticed Danny appeared discouraged and asked if I could check whether Danny was okay. Danny was also touched when Joel gave him his cell number and told him to reach out if he needed a friend. That memory will live with me and Danny for the rest of our lives.
Mike MartinBasketball coachJoel would practice long jump before school when they arrived early. There was no mention of this to me, no mention about why I should select him, or that he was outworking everyone else. Joel was a humble athlete who strove to get one day better, every day.
The most important thing Joel ever did was never once leave without cleaning up or asking how he could help us as coaches.
Coach Dwayne HandonTrack coachFrom the moment I met Joel, I knew he had a uniqueness about him. His ability to be a strong leader, his coachable attitude and work ethic were impressionable from the very beginning. There are many attributes to describe Joel, but the most important would have to be his kindness.
Norman MufarrehAll-Star soccer coach, SYAHe is quick to volunteer when asked. Joel is also special because he displays a great desire to help others and see his teammates get better. Most children this age can be somewhat self-centered. Joel is the exception.
John PetermanBaseball coach, SYA Little LeagueI think Joel is a very caring and kind person. He is someone I can always trust and someone who is supportive when things go wrong. When he broke his arm this year he was still willing to help out to the best of his abilities, no matter what it was.
A classmateNominating Joel for the citizenship awardI didn't have anything to do during recess and I had a very terrible incident before, so I sat on the bench with nothing to do. Joel came up to me twice and asked if I was okay. He is super nice and can put you in a very good mood.
A classmateNominating Joel for the citizenship awardFrom kindergarten through ninth grade
There was one particular year where Joel would sit with a student who had special needs. This student struggled daily and many students did not want to work with him. Every week Joel would sit at his table and ask to be partners during group activities. This meant a lot to the student, because he knew he would always have Joel.
Joel was so aware of the people around him that he would put their needs before his own.
Michelle PashkevichSTEM teacher, Union Mill ElementaryJoel was the soul of our class. His positivity and kindness to others truly made him stand out — and he kept us all laughing with some of the goofiest questions I've heard in my twelve years of teaching. He regularly modeled for the other students how best to treat one another, and he could befriend literally anyone.
Kathryn Krouse9th grade biologyStudents were allowed to pick new seats, but one student got left at a desk alone. When I asked for someone to join him, Joel immediately jumped up and moved without hesitation. He introduced himself and asked the other student his name, what sports he plays, what else he was interested in. It was just who he was.
Amanda Bolden9th grade algebraYour son was one of a kind — truly a person that gave me hope for future generations. Joel had a coolness to him in that he had a ton of friends, was athletic, but didn't seem to let himself be arrogant about it. Reflecting upon his nature and kindness, I told my wife that this is how I want our eight-year-old daughter to be.
An 8th grade student told me about a time Joel had taught him to shoot free throws in a Clifton park. That was who Joel was — selfless, good-natured, giving, and a good human.
Nathan HerendeenMiddle school counselorI taught Joel during the most challenging year of the pandemic and distance learning. It was so hard to make connections that year, but Joel was a bright spot. He made me feel like at least one person on the other side of the screen was listening. When the masks came off and I could see his smile, it lit up a room.
Lesley Minai7th grade US historyOne memory in particular is from the first day of school — Joel had brought a 20-pound weight in his backpack. He played it off with his friends, joking that he didn't want anyone to steal his bag. Later he told me he was trying to strengthen his back muscles in preparation for sports.
Amber Wetzel9th grade historyHe was one of the most polite students I have ever taught. He left my class every day with "thank you, Ms. Burford, have a great day." Whenever a student says that, I always think of him, and I will continue to think of him.
Roisin Burford8th grade mathI remember Joel always being the first one to volunteer to help me or anyone else in need, whether it was picking up trash in our classroom or supporting peers with assignments. He had such a strong moral compass, and would always want to talk through things he saw or heard that he felt were not right.
Rebecca WysockiGrade school teacherWhat I remember most about Joel was the friendly attitude he brought to class each day and how well he connected with other students.
Sean McLaughlin6th grade teacherI remember Joel as being so kind and helpful. He always wanted to do the right thing and make sure his classmates were on task. He was funny and silly and a hard worker who always included others.
Grace2nd grade teacherJoel was sweet, honest, and kind. He was a hard worker and really wanted to learn to read. His favorite activities in kindergarten were drawing and playing with the blocks and Legos.
Emily PettyKindergarten teacherWhat I will remember is how sweet he was as a person. He was the first to say hello when he entered and never forgot to thank me as he left class and tell me to have a nice day.
Sandra Bergesen8th grade geometryOur religious education class studies Gospel readings, and students are challenged to reflect on and analyze metaphors and symbols of faith. Joel does exceedingly well connecting with the material. He works well alone and in groups and is always ready to give assistance to others.
Ann FedakCatechist, St. Mary of SorrowsClifton, the Lamb Center, and the neighbors who watched him work
Joel was a fabulous volunteer who was ready to help anytime. His specialty was litter and recycling, and he participated in multiple clean-ups of Clifton. He started a glass recycling service to fill a need when the county stopped accepting glass. You could find Joel throughout the town carrying recycling bins full of glass while greeting people as he passed.
"We look forward to serving you and keeping our world clean" — his own words, from his Keep Clifton Clean program.
Michelle SteinPresident, Clifton Betterment AssociationDuring the early days of the pandemic, Joel reached out to the community with an offer to collect our glass for recycling. He organized weekly email reminders and the accounting himself. We would often see him around town, with a smile and a friendly conversation as he collected glass. At such a young age, this stood out to me as a beautiful example of service and community connection.
Caryn FrancaNeighborJoel volunteered at the Lamb Center as a representative of St. Mary of Sorrows beginning in May of 2019. On many occasions, Joel and his family prepared a hot breakfast in their home, drove it to the Lamb Center, and personally served it to the guests. They also worked in the laundry department, washing and drying the clothing of the guests.
Eileen PiwowarThe Lamb CenterJoel was a very deliberate, dedicated and diligent pursuer of anything upon which he decided to focus. The field behind our house offered the perfect place for Joel to train. The hours and hours of drills, alone, and the organized manner in which he went about them were truly impressive.
I once heard someone say: "True happiness comes from the self-esteem achieved through accomplishment in service of others." I believe strongly that Joel knew this to be true.
Rick PetersonNeighbor — Joel maintained the Clifton Creek TrailDespite his busy schedule with school, sports, church and family, Joel always found time to give back. He volunteered within the Town of Clifton — community clean-ups where he and a group picked up litter and debris from local parks and streets, Clifton Day, the July 4th celebration, and more. He was known for his infectious smile and his kind heart.
Peter NoonanNeighborJoel did nothing the world keeps records of. Almost every story here was told to us by someone else, after he was gone. That is the whole idea behind this foundation.
Read Joel's storyChip's eulogy, Coach Jay's tribute, the funeral Mass and a video remembrance are kept in Joel's Celebration of Life archive.
Open the archiveIf you have a story about Joel we haven't heard, we would like to. Tell us.
Because goodness is contagious.
The Let Goodness Shine Foundation is a donor-advised fund of the Arlington Community Foundation — a 501(c)(3) public charity, tax-exempt since March 1, 1992, and accredited under Community Foundations National Standards. EIN 54-1602838
Gifts are made to ACF for the benefit of the Joel Byrne Let Goodness Shine Fund. ACF issues your tax receipt and holds legal control over contributed assets. Contributions are deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law. We pay no salaries.
By check — payable to Arlington Community Foundation, with Joel Byrne Let Goodness Shine Fund on the memo line: 1100 N Glebe Rd, Suite 630, Arlington, VA 22201 · 703-243-4785